I received my first-ever blog hate mail yesterday – from a man calling himself Barry Scott.
My first thought was, ‘Isn’t Barry Scott that silly man from the Cillit Bang commercials, with a really loud and annoying voice?’
My second thought – upon closer inspection of his message – was, ‘Uh-oh. Forget the bathroom spray, Barry Scott REALLY hates me.’
Here’s a snippet of what Barry Scott had to say:
I have to say I have never read a more, indulgent, vacuous, self-loving load of nonsense in my life. Boastful of your life, you are without a shadow of a doubt a horrible person. It is wonderful that your problems in life are small for you, but the way you write about them is quite frankly detestable.
I know of some people who would love their problems to be turning up late to a wedding in London, or their cleaner buying them presents, but the world most people live in, they would never consider that a problem, never mind posting it onto the internet.
I think you seriously need to do some growing up, stop thinking that people are interested in your ‘perfect’ life, and then find some compassion, and learn how to treat people.
I sat in the bath running these words over and over in my mind. Horrible person… detestable… vacuous… Isn’t it funny how one nasty email can plummet you into the blackest of moods?
I didn’t even realise strangers were reading my blog. In fact, the only people I thought read my silly ramblings was my sister and a handful of friends – more out of loyalty than anything else.
I only wrote my blog for a bit of light-hearted fun; a little hobby because I missed writing. Yes, I could write about truly worthy causes such as poverty, war, cancer… but the whole premise of the blog was just daft, everyday trivia that stuck in my head and made me want to put pen to paper.
My blog is supposed to be self-deprecating and firmly tongue-in-cheek. Does Barry Scott genuinely think that my only worries in life revolve around arriving late to weddings, my big feet, puffed-up ankles, and whether a bearded hunk catches my eye at the gym?
And how does Barry Scott define my life as perfect? What is a ‘perfect’ life anyway?
As my thoughts spiralled, I then started thinking, ‘Oh no, if Barry Scott thinks this, what if EVERYONE thinks I am this vacuous beast of a person, who truly thinks that I’m worried that my cleaner keeps buying me presents (which is – obviously – THE most ludicrous first-world problem I could possibly imagine. That was the point!)
In fact, what if Barry Scott is actually someone I know, hiding behind a preposterous pseudonym and a veil of venom?
The husband, bless him, said that you can’t take anyone who calls themselves Barry Scott and peddles shower spray for a living seriously. He didn’t even leave a real email address.
Still, Barry Scott’s message stung. I decided to delete his comments, and cheered up slightly.
Bang… and the dirt was gone. But it did leave a mark behind.
My Family and Other Oddities 
On a positive note I thoroughly enjoy reading your blog and I would assume that Barry has no friends so he trawls the internet looking for attention.
How amusing that Barry found the time to not only read your blog but actually be enraged enough to angrily tap out a comment! This is to date my favourite post. And I LOVE THE BLOG. It’s guaranteed to make me smile every week. Who wants to read about people griping on about real problems?! That’s why I left Facebook!
Dear Mr Scott,
Thank you ever so much for giving me a bonus mid-week read! Beats last week’s events of last minute editing of my husband’s ramblings!
Barry Schmarry .. we love you x
Katy p I ADORE your blog mrs. it is witty and humoured and tres well written! I look forward to it weekly. Barry has chosen vile behaviour himself. to ve little someone he doesnt know a bean about is not a person I would take any heed of! prat.
(barry not you kp)
keep writing palm
x x katy s
If I didn’t like your last post, I certainly meant to, because it was FUNNY! Some things are serious, some things are lighthearted; I know I certainly don’t want to read or write the former all the time. Don’t pay attention to any of the ‘quite frankly detestable’ things ‘Barry’ threw around so casually xxx
I felt compelled to leave a message after reading this post. When i discovered your blog, I read every one of your posts in one sitting. I had been feeling a little blue that week, and reading your fun escapades honestly gave me the lift I needed to feel better. Hope that puts BS’s errr… BS into perspective. Keep the oddities coming!! xx
Such a shame he said those things. What a douche. Having met Katy in real life (a while ago now) I can vouch that she is not a horrible person. This is a good blog and well written.
Barry Scott is obviously an absolute twat who clearly finds your blog so compelling he appears to have read each one.
I’ve only recently discovered your blog and find reading your posts highly enjoyable! I really like the way you write and as a new-ish member to the blogging world hope to develop a similar style.
Thank you for all these lovely pick-me-up comments. I think it’s fair to say, we’ve well and truly ‘Mr Muscled’ Barry Scott out! xx
I love reading your blog – it’s lovely light relief and Barry Scott is a humourless git. Don’t let it affect you. There is more than enough time to take life seriously and with the trials and tribulations we all go through, it’s nice to still be able to find time and space for fun and frivolity.
I have just found your blog after you found mine! I too have experienced the vitriol of a self-appointed arbiter of what should pass for comment online and have had to harden my carapace a bit as a result. It is hugely hurtful and it does ‘leave a stain’, but the best thing you can do is to keep writing. Dear old Barry Scott isn’t being forced to read it. X
And I really like your writing, BTW! X
Thank you Wife After Death. I very much like your blog also, despite your hardened carapace! Looking forward to more reading x
Sod Barry Scott! Trolls trolls trolls, if you don’t like something, you are free to leave. Why be mean!? I think you are a wonderful witty and warm writer. Of course big feet and expensive toothbrushes are not your biggest problems, but who wants to read a blog about real problems? Besides, it would be harder to be funny about real problems. Keep doing what you do. xx